Stuff....

No pictures in this post, just some stuff that has been happening in my own life and thoughts.

First off I have just started attending this bible study with a group of ladies I am so excited to get to know better. And I have read the first part of the study and I am already hooked. I think it is so awesome to see how God puts things together. The book is No Other God, by Kelly Mnter, and I don't want to put it down, I will not say much yet, but I am excited to see what God has in store for me to learn these next few weeks! I am ready and willing to soak HIM all in! This past year has come with it's ups and downs, and I am still through it all reminded that God is faithful! Friendships come and go and things don't always work out the way I had planned, but I believe and trust in God's provision and am trying to be content and rest there! Just to wrap that up I am thrilled to be a part of whatever He has for me to learn!!

I have had a low point lately, I don't know why or what, just low....Paul is great, the kids are great and I am blessed, just dealing with the blues. No pity party here, just a season...hopefully not a long one!!

On the other hand Tandy and I were asked to photograph a vow renewal and I just want to let you all know that I am so inspired by this couple!! I know they have been through the dessert the past few years and I think it is so awesome to see the miracle that GOD did to restore them and their marriage! There were so many amazing details, everything was so thought through and had such great meaning! I love that God still is in the miracle business, and that I truly believe this couple would not have made it without trusting and leaning on our Father! I am completely impressed with the marriage I witnessed this evening!! I am so glad that they stuck through it all, I believe God honors commitment and I can tangibly see Him working and shining through what could have been another divorce! I also think it was so awesome for them to have this celebration! It was on their actual anniversary and they had some very close friends who were there to rejoice and celebrate with them after standing beside them with tears and feeling the pain this couple was going through!! I could go on and on, but God is so GOOD!!!! I amazed at the things he does for myself and others...the things he has already done!!

And I was suppose to go and visit my family this weekend out in Stone Mountain and I can't because there is no gas at any of the gas stations in a 50 mile radius....and I will certainly run out before I find one!! So it is looking like tomorrow will end up a family day after all, sitting home and watching movies, let me rephrase that watching one movie, the same movie over and over and over again....who knows what movie Bowen will decide is his favorite tomorrow, but I am looking forward to finding out!! I hope you all (anyone who stops by and had the time to read this blog) has a wonderful weekend! I will post birthday pics soon!

Attack Of The School!!

Bowen started school, nothing hardcore, just 2 days a week from 8:30 - 11:30. No big deal...right??? Wrong! I was up at 5 am the morning of, I did not go to sleep until 3 ish...All over a few hours a week... Well I really was struggling with the fact that I am a stay-at-home momma, and now I am sending my kid off and not doing my job!! I was also nervous about him being okay with the idea of me leaving, I really did not think I could have handled a dramatic scene, I would have scooped him up and just brought him back home! But Bowen woke up, sang happy birthday to Judd, and asked me when he was going to get to go to his school! So far so good!!

All week long I was talking up, and acting so excited about his "big boy" school! He was excited cause I was and it was sweet to see. Then cam the real test! I packed him up and off we headed. I talked to him the whole way there about how much fun he was going to have and how he would get to meet and play with new friends!

This whole time I have the lump in my throat! I am depressed at the fact that my little man will not be with me all day like he has been for the past three years!! But I could really tell that he needed to see some other faces besides mine day in and day out!! He almost seemed bored to some degree at home...we have house activities but I think he was a bit over looking at the same 4 walls everyday! Bowen is like his momma, he needs change and a change of scenery is always good.

Here he is posing for me as we head out of the car and off to the school!

What a little man...he made real sure that he walked ahead of me, and did not want me getting too close to him. (Is this normal at 3 years of age?) I'll be honest, it kind of freaked me out that he was so eager to be in dependant and on his own away from mommie!! I think my mind is still trying to feel better about that one! But it was cute to see him with that huge bag that he insisted on carrying as by "hyself."

My social butterfly, again, I can only imagine where he gets this trait from, but here he is waving to not just this bus...but ALL 13 buses that drove by before we made it into the school!
And here is BoBo and his best friend Maddox or as Bo calls him "Maggots" Two silly boys posing for us crazy moms with cameras!!

Bowen absolutely loved his first day, he keeps asking when he can go back! He loves Maddox and I think he had a blast with him all day! They played outside colored a picture and had cupcakes too! I pray that Bowen continues to have a high affinity for school and education! I think we are off to a good start!

I still can't believe that he just kissed me and told me he loved me, and just as I was walking out of the classroom he said as he pats his chest with a matter-of-fact look "mommie gonna come back and get BoBo, it's okay" I assured him I would be back to greet him with arms wide open and a bounty of kisses.

What a big brave boy! I am so proud!! You are the best my BUBBIE!!!!!

Judd Budd!!

Happy Birthday my sweet angel! My heart swells with joy at just the thought of you! You are a blessing to our family and we could not imagine life without you! You bring laughter and joy everywhere you go! Always let your light shine! You are one of a kind! I will love you forever!

Well, it is happening....time is stealing away my babies...My little one just turned one!! I really can't believe it! It is strange! I feel like we just had him. Paul had to work on Thursday (his official birthday) But BoJack and I serenaded him with the happy birthday song this morning! We had to sing the song several times, Bowen found that once...twice....six times was enough! Judd danced and laughed the whole time! It was sweet!

Along with this being Judd's birthday, Bowen also had a big day! His first day of "mini" school! More about that on my next post!!

So we woke up, all three of us ate breakfast together, and Bowen and Judd laid on the couch as I packed up the bags and these are the sweet sounds I heard next!

Bowen: " Judd Budd, I's lub you so much."

Judd: (with a deep grunt) "Ohhh"

Bowen: "No, I lub you more"

It was so cute, usually Bowen and Judd are tackling each other or someone is screaming, but for one, very brief moment, there was nothing rough, just sweet brotherly love!!

I will post first day of school soon, and Judd's Birthday party! It was tons of fun and I can't wait to show off my boy loving his cake!!

The fight in me!!

Why? Why is it so hard to do the right thing sometimes? I try and strive to be the right mother, wife and friend, I try to put myself aside to do nice things for people, even when it is inconvenient, and yet when I am attacked, my flesh right off the bat wants to retaliate!!

Tonight I was tested, I am trying so hard to be obedient to the Holy Spirit, and every night I ask God to please search my heart and please change the offensive ways in me! Well this evening was a test and I did good...there were things I sure could have done better or said a bit sweeter but all in all I feel really good, I bit my tongue, I refrained from all of the things I "really" wanted to say to make that person hurt too, but I didn't. I shed a few tears because my pride was hurt, but I feel good in my heart for knowing I can walk away from the conversation without hitting below the belt!

I struggle with wanting to be good enough...not with everyone or even with every area of my life, but I really want those close to me to be proud. I desire for my parents to be proud of the woman and mother I am becoming, I want my kids to be proud of the mom they have, and I want my husband to be proud of me too. I am so thankful that I have a Father who is proud of me right where I am, he loves me at this point in my life, with all of my faults and flaws. I say this only to be more like Him, to love the people in my life in this very way, to really think of others before my own wants and needs. Especially in my marriage. I want to love Paul the way God intended, and I think for me that will take some work, not because Paul isn't a wonderful man, cause he is, but because I am so selfish that I still try to "win" arguments and silly things like that! Where I am blinded by my own flesh and not being led my the things I know to be true!

This may not make sense to all, but it feels better to be honest and just get it out there. I am a work in progress, and hopefully, God willing I will be progressing until the day I die!

Special Friends

Guy and Fibi, I want to first say thank you for always being so kind and generous and available! Anytime I have ever needed anything you have always been there, from watching my kids last minute, to wonderful converstaions over dinner, you guys are one of a kind. Never making us feel like we put you out, always opening your doors with a smile and a great heart! Most of all for loving my kids the way you do! Thank you, Thank you! I know you already know how special your family is to us, but I want you to really know we mean it when we say we love you guys!! This shoot was so fun and I think YaYa is so precious! I love all the images, I could not pick my favorite one of the day! Every other expression she make is so cute how could I choose!

I will be praying for you and your family as you travel far and wide! Please know you will be missed. I know how happy your family is to see you guys, enjoy it and we will have a delicious dinner together when you are all 3 home safe!! Love you!!

A little emotional!

I guess with my friends sending their kids off to full time school, I am really seeing how fleeting this time is with my babies. I am finding myself really just sitting and soaking them up, watching them play...really paying attention to how Bowen phrases things so I can hurry and write it in his baby book so I won't for get it! Not to mention I have been reading the book Cold Tangerines that my girlfriend Tandy let me read. I really have been trying to enjoy the present, the gift of today and my kids in this very moment!

I really am always waiting to be somewhere else in life, bigger house, 20lbs lighter. Sometimes I think I will have this big moment where I am an amazing photographer and I get some recognition..there fore my life will be better, different, more exciting! Why... why do I get hung up in the thoughts of events that may never happen? Why don't I look at my little house with toys flowing out of every room and think it is perfect? I am always thinking of the next house and how much room we will need... I am ready for fall....why (besides the relief of the blazing heat) When the fall hits, that means my babies are a year older.

So I am really trying to find the beauty in what I sometimes feel is mundane. I am soaking up my boys, and genuinely loving my husband for the man he is now, not the man he will be in a few years. I am crying over how simple it is to be content and savor this precious time, fill it with love and laughs. I somehow have complicated life waiting on my arrival.... when my arrival is in his crib asleep, and my arrival is in his big boy bed with his big boy undies on cause he does not need a diaper anymore (he thinks), my arrival just walked in the door. I am here...and THIS is my BIG MOMENT!!

Family Fun Day

So, It has been a while since I blogged, but we have been busy, busy busy at the Estes House...doing what...well I am not sure??? But I have felt busy none the less. This past weekend we dedicated it all to our family. Paul turned off his cell phone (an act of GOD) and we enjoyed our kids and each other ALL day!! Our day started out with a big breakfast, everyone at the table and lots of laughs!! After breakfast we watched part of the movie Monsters Inc. one of Bo's favorites. Then we packed up and hit the comet trail.

I got this little radio flyer tricycle just a few days ago, my mother in law has one at her house and Bowen loves it and whizzes around like a pro, so we told him we would go ride his "kykle" as he calls it! Well as soon as we hit the trail he was off!!!!

Judd is not quite ready yet for his own bike, but he enjoyed the ride as well!

I love this one, and I love his little hulk t-shirt too. My sweet angel face!

My Boys...aah, if I could package them and eat them I would, and as one of my girlfriends say sop them up with a biscuit!!

Bowen loved the other bikes on the trail, he would scream, " here come a kykle, move ower" He was in awe, it was cute!!

After our bike ride, we went and had lunch at Subway..it was delicious! Then we headed home and the boys took a nap while Paul and I did some yard work! All in all is was a special day for me, it is not very often that I get to enjoy my entire family together for a whole day! It was a treat!