The fight in me!!

Why? Why is it so hard to do the right thing sometimes? I try and strive to be the right mother, wife and friend, I try to put myself aside to do nice things for people, even when it is inconvenient, and yet when I am attacked, my flesh right off the bat wants to retaliate!!

Tonight I was tested, I am trying so hard to be obedient to the Holy Spirit, and every night I ask God to please search my heart and please change the offensive ways in me! Well this evening was a test and I did good...there were things I sure could have done better or said a bit sweeter but all in all I feel really good, I bit my tongue, I refrained from all of the things I "really" wanted to say to make that person hurt too, but I didn't. I shed a few tears because my pride was hurt, but I feel good in my heart for knowing I can walk away from the conversation without hitting below the belt!

I struggle with wanting to be good enough...not with everyone or even with every area of my life, but I really want those close to me to be proud. I desire for my parents to be proud of the woman and mother I am becoming, I want my kids to be proud of the mom they have, and I want my husband to be proud of me too. I am so thankful that I have a Father who is proud of me right where I am, he loves me at this point in my life, with all of my faults and flaws. I say this only to be more like Him, to love the people in my life in this very way, to really think of others before my own wants and needs. Especially in my marriage. I want to love Paul the way God intended, and I think for me that will take some work, not because Paul isn't a wonderful man, cause he is, but because I am so selfish that I still try to "win" arguments and silly things like that! Where I am blinded by my own flesh and not being led my the things I know to be true!

This may not make sense to all, but it feels better to be honest and just get it out there. I am a work in progress, and hopefully, God willing I will be progressing until the day I die!

Special Friends

Guy and Fibi, I want to first say thank you for always being so kind and generous and available! Anytime I have ever needed anything you have always been there, from watching my kids last minute, to wonderful converstaions over dinner, you guys are one of a kind. Never making us feel like we put you out, always opening your doors with a smile and a great heart! Most of all for loving my kids the way you do! Thank you, Thank you! I know you already know how special your family is to us, but I want you to really know we mean it when we say we love you guys!! This shoot was so fun and I think YaYa is so precious! I love all the images, I could not pick my favorite one of the day! Every other expression she make is so cute how could I choose!

I will be praying for you and your family as you travel far and wide! Please know you will be missed. I know how happy your family is to see you guys, enjoy it and we will have a delicious dinner together when you are all 3 home safe!! Love you!!

A little emotional!

I guess with my friends sending their kids off to full time school, I am really seeing how fleeting this time is with my babies. I am finding myself really just sitting and soaking them up, watching them play...really paying attention to how Bowen phrases things so I can hurry and write it in his baby book so I won't for get it! Not to mention I have been reading the book Cold Tangerines that my girlfriend Tandy let me read. I really have been trying to enjoy the present, the gift of today and my kids in this very moment!

I really am always waiting to be somewhere else in life, bigger house, 20lbs lighter. Sometimes I think I will have this big moment where I am an amazing photographer and I get some recognition..there fore my life will be better, different, more exciting! Why... why do I get hung up in the thoughts of events that may never happen? Why don't I look at my little house with toys flowing out of every room and think it is perfect? I am always thinking of the next house and how much room we will need... I am ready for fall....why (besides the relief of the blazing heat) When the fall hits, that means my babies are a year older.

So I am really trying to find the beauty in what I sometimes feel is mundane. I am soaking up my boys, and genuinely loving my husband for the man he is now, not the man he will be in a few years. I am crying over how simple it is to be content and savor this precious time, fill it with love and laughs. I somehow have complicated life waiting on my arrival.... when my arrival is in his crib asleep, and my arrival is in his big boy bed with his big boy undies on cause he does not need a diaper anymore (he thinks), my arrival just walked in the door. I am here...and THIS is my BIG MOMENT!!

Family Fun Day

So, It has been a while since I blogged, but we have been busy, busy busy at the Estes House...doing what...well I am not sure??? But I have felt busy none the less. This past weekend we dedicated it all to our family. Paul turned off his cell phone (an act of GOD) and we enjoyed our kids and each other ALL day!! Our day started out with a big breakfast, everyone at the table and lots of laughs!! After breakfast we watched part of the movie Monsters Inc. one of Bo's favorites. Then we packed up and hit the comet trail.

I got this little radio flyer tricycle just a few days ago, my mother in law has one at her house and Bowen loves it and whizzes around like a pro, so we told him we would go ride his "kykle" as he calls it! Well as soon as we hit the trail he was off!!!!

Judd is not quite ready yet for his own bike, but he enjoyed the ride as well!

I love this one, and I love his little hulk t-shirt too. My sweet angel face!

My Boys...aah, if I could package them and eat them I would, and as one of my girlfriends say sop them up with a biscuit!!

Bowen loved the other bikes on the trail, he would scream, " here come a kykle, move ower" He was in awe, it was cute!!

After our bike ride, we went and had lunch at Subway..it was delicious! Then we headed home and the boys took a nap while Paul and I did some yard work! All in all is was a special day for me, it is not very often that I get to enjoy my entire family together for a whole day! It was a treat!

Fessler Family Friends

Here are my friends the Fesslers! I am so glad I was able to preserve this moment in their lives! I am so thankful for their hearts, just to spend some one on one time with the two (well 3 ) of them was nice!

Michael and Whitney, I am praying for you both and wish you all the sweetest memories and moments any parent could ask for! I cannot wait to take Will on the green......:) Many Blessings!

Here is a sneak peek of our maternity adventures through Dallas!